My Fiftieth

Walking around the farm on the morning of July 16 things looked the same as they did the 15th. The horses certainly didn’t act any different. Our three-year-old geldings were still in the pasture taunting Pass-U our yearling stallion. Our farm house stood in the same stately manner as it had since it was built overlooking Canandaigua Lake in 1831. The barns, constructed before the Great Depression, had not changed either. They still needed a fresh coat of paint. I smiled, concluding that despite what day it was, things had not changed. My 50th birthday had arrived.

The day was fun and passed without incident. Vanessa brought me coffee in bed. We took a drive around the lake and stopped for lunch at one of our favorite spots, the historic Naples Hotel. In the afternoon we saddled up the mares and escaped to the Bristol Hills for a relaxing trail ride. A Bar-B-Q with family and a few close friends in the evening topped the day. My passage to age 50 was not that bad. “Just another day in the life”, I mused to Vanessa as I lay in bed that night. I slept like a log.

I have observed many of my friends and colleagues turn 50. To some, this passing to the half-century mark becomes a traumatic event that generates change in their life that is usually needed. Others, like myself, take it in stride and joke about it: “If I knew I was going to make it to 50 I would have taken better care of myself” or “ I did not expect to live to forty much less fifty !”.

To be perfectly honest, I had a problem turning 40. Without going into detail 1992 was a turbulent year in my life. I had problems in virtually every relationship. It was as if I was in a fast boat with no rudder. I was not prepared for age 40; I did not handle it well. Fortunately, 1992 was also the year Vanessa introduced me to horses.

At first I was reluctant to get involved with the big animals. Vanessa suggested that I just observe them. “They’re a hoot to watch” she quipped. So, I watched. Over the next several months as I worked on the farm and traveled with her to trail rides a funny thing happened. I started to enjoy watching them. Then, I started to look at their behaviors. Horses were almost like 1000-pound 3-year olds. Soon, I started grooming horses then handling them. It took two years but one cold January day Vanessa finally convinced me to get on Thunder, and accompany her on a winter trail ride. Thunder knew he had a greenhorn on his back and within 100 yards of the farm he gently bucked me off into a 6 feet deep snowdrift. Not to be beat I got back on. He then took me on a wonderful ride through the snowy Bristol hills. It was a watershed day in my life.

As my 40s decade passed, my increasing involvement with horses taught me valuable lessons and skills, not to mention humility. I learned to lower my expectations, slow down and be calm. I gained a sense accomplishment and pride as I learned how to ride. While riding in the woods I discovered what peace really was and I learned to face my fears while riding along narrow paths and the State highway. Slowly these equine experiences started to affect my daily dealings with others particularly in the business world. Fifteen pounds fell off my body. I felt better. Opportunities opened up. Good things started to happen. Life became a challenge not a chore. My attitude toward the world changed and I began writing about my experiences.

Then, Vanessa convinced me to try competitive trail riding. “It will improve your horsemanship” she said. I accepted the challenge and she was right. Since then, I have competed many events including three national competitions. I love it. What neither of us knew was how the competitions would change my personal definition of “success”. Once I began competing horses, business interactions in the world outside the farm became more of a game. Riding competitively taught me firsthand that success was not in winning but truly measured in how well the game was played. I learned how to live for the moment and that fretting about the future was a waste of energy and time. As my horsemanship improved I started to believe more in myself and in my ability to cope in difficult situations.

And with all our horses the difficult situations did occur. I recall one Sunday morning going into the barn to feed and finding that a weanling had cast himself in his stall and in thrashing tore the hide and fluid sack around his knee. There really wasn’t anything we could do. The vet was called and Vanessa and I watched as the little guy was put to sleep. We were stoic until the Dr. Mix left then we cried the rest of the day. A couple of years later on a sub zero morning in January while Vanessa was in Boston, I discovered that Thunder, had somehow torn a four inch flap of skin off his front right knee during the night while in the pasture. It wasn’t a pretty sight! From the looks of the snow around the lean-to the wound had bled profusely before it froze. Somehow I kept a cool head. I got a friend to help and we brought the injured horse into the barn. I called the vet who told me to get him into the clinic immediately. Once there, I watched in amazement as the vet meticulously worked to closed the wound. The leg needed to be cast and a seven-layer bandage was applied. Vanessa came home to a situation that was under control.

Involvement with horses has given me great emotional highs and lows. I think the most joyous event was the surprise birth of Two-Spot. Imagine waking up on Christmas morning, looking out the window at the freshly fallen snow and seeing a new pinto colt next to mom in the arena? We were so proud that we made up a sign that said “It’s A Colt”; and we tacked it to an arena fence post next to the road. Cars stopped all day to see the Christmas miracle. The saddest moment was the cold day in January that Kovat, our 24-year-old Arabian stallion left for his new home in Oregon. We knew it was time for him to go to a retirement farm where they had more experience with managing an aging stallion. There he could breed, play and be better cared in his latter years. Vanessa and I turned away as the big horse van lumbered down the farm drive then down Johnson Road. We just couldn’t watch.

The great thing about horses is that they can enter your life at any age. These experiences with horses while I was in my forties truly taught me some of the secrets to life. I became more aware of my surroundings and myself. I learned how to love. Horses gave me a path for spiritual development that made turning 50 seem like only another birthday.